wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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