i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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