you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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