Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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