I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
