i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
love makes seman taste better
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
