then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
