I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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