I must be too annoying 4 u.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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