this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
