dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
