Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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