his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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