Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
