It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
