I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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