I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
