my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
