Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS