i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.