Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to

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(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating

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(407): View more from Florida

Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.

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(516): View more from New York

You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.

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(714): View more from California

I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.

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