highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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