I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
True strength comes from lack of pants