hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
