What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
