sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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