I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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