Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Be still, my beating vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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