Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
