so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
