if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
