this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
