Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
