Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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