I hate your face
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
