He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
