They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So here I am, sexting at work.
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