is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
