Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
