this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
