I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
