Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
not ubering you a puppy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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