I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
