i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ladies don't puke and tell
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
