I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
