ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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