Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
