So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
