Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You are the jesus of drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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