I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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