then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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