Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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