I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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