That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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