I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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