I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize