I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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