I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize