I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
