nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
