im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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