You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
