not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
