you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
