soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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